


free-falling

by vent_ficpog



Category: Awsten Knight - Fandom, Waterparks (Band), waterparks - Fandom
Genre: Body Image, Depression, EDs, Eating Disorders, Other, Sad, Self Esteem Issues, platonic geoff/otto/awsten, venting thru awsten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vent_ficpog/pseuds/vent_ficpog
Summary: awsten didn’t really know how it began. sometimes it came in small waves and other days, the waves would push him under. some days he felt he was free falling to the sea.(this is me venting through awsten! i have an eating disorder i find relief in writing these stories!! if this bothers anyone or if anything seems wrong, insensitive, ect please let me know so i can fix it. ty !)
Relationships: PLATONIC geoff/otto/awsten!! just bros being bros
Kudos: 6





	free-falling

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! so this is my first fic but i’m rlly excited to share it with you all. it will probably be short but i’ll make more. 
> 
> trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> \- eating disorders  
> \- depression  
> \- low self esteem
> 
> btw the sea represents awstens ED!!

ever since he was young, awsten remembered something feeling wrong. he’d wake up, and immediately it felt like something was off. as if you’d woken with your hair a different color and didn’t quite remember why (which had happened to him quite a lot).

he could never pinpoint this feeling. as he got older, he learnt the word “depression”. he never quite thought he had it, he was happy! right?

he pushed the thought of it out of his mind, trying his best to ignore it and run. when that didn’t work, he needed to find ways to gain control over it. he’d go to the beach to get away from it all, sometimes. always alone, late at night. on starry nights, he’d submerge himself in the water and float on his back. almost as you would in a sensory deprivation tank. every sound other than the calm waves faded away and all he could see was the stars. sometimes he’d begin to sink into the water. he never fought against the current; almost welcomed it, as if a hug. he’d sink until his lungs forced him to rise to the surface and grasp at the air with his lungs.

things got bad around his senior year of high school. he was only 18, and he had known a great deal of pain. he had never thought of himself has handsome, definetly not perfect. other people saw these things, but to him it was nonexistent. things in his life only seemed to spiral out of control until there was nothing left. 

he didn’t do it consciously at first. gradually, he’d refuse meals more and more, considering it just “being healthier”. 

that’s when the waves came crashing down.

-=-

the nights of hunger doubling him over in pain began to scratch and claw at his thoughts. he would lie awake at night, running his hands through his fragile, thin hair, just for it to fall from is scalp. his lips felt tight, small cracks began to form and his lips looked almost as if you dried out a piece of clay, before carving sharp lines into it. standing up became risky. as the up-beat, jumpy person he was, he suddenly couldn’t stand without toppling over. the edges of his vision would go black and he’d wake up with an ache in his body from where he slammed into the ground.

his bandmates, of course, noticed. why wouldn’t they? awsten had to stop practices so frequently to sit down or catch his breath, they wondered if he was sick. inviting him out to eat was a touchy subject, after the first time.

geoff had texted awsten;

geoff: hey aws, me and otto are gonna grab lunch! you should come.  
Read: 11:37 AM.

geoff: awsten?  
Read: 11:39 AM

awsten: go without me. i ate already.  
Read: 11:42 AM

geoff: awsten you probably just woke up! are you avoiding us? we won’t be mad if that’s the case, but we just wanna make sure everything’s okay!  
Read: 11:45 AM

awsten: geoff just fucking go! i’m not avoiding you, i just ate already. gotta go.  
Read: 11:46 AM

geoff: okay jeez.  
Read: 11:47 AM

after that, geoff figured something was off. otto tried to reassure him it was just awsten being grumpy, but he wasn’t 100%.

geoff had the day off work, and sent awsten a quick text.

geoff: hey aws, mind if i come over? we can play some mario kart or something, i just kinda missed you!!  
Delivered.

he thought it was a little weird that awsten hadn’t replied immedietly, as he normally would have. maybe he was just still asleep? they had been friends for what, four years now? awsten had always told him to just walk in, it was geoffs home as much as awstens; so that’s what he did.

geoff knocked at first, waiting after each set of knocks. something felt weird, it was sunday! awsten was usually home on sundays. he reached down under the door mat and grabbed a spare key. awsten had told him about this when they were 16, incase he needed in. geoff had complained it was way too obvious a placement for such an important item. 

he twisted the key in the lock and pushed the door open. it was the summer after senior year, so of course awsten still lived with his parents. neither of them were home, as geoff had expected.

he walked forward cautiously into the living room, proceeding towards the kitchen and the basement stairs. 

“awsten?” geoff called out to his friend. 

no reply.  
now geoff was really concerned. maybe awsten was just asleep or had his headphones in! that had to be it, right?

he treacherously made his way down the basement stairs and twisted awstens room door open with a small knock. geoff cried out in fear as what he saw before his eyes finally made sense.

awsten was on the floor, making no movement at all. awsten hated the floor, he’d always said it was dirty and basically a “STD infested demon”.

geoff ran to his friend, grabbing his arm and shaking it, hoping to awaken awsten. nothing.

“awsten, buddy, cmon man get up. i’m not joking awsten!” by now, geoff was hyperventilating. 

he moved his fingers down to awstens wrist, feeling for a pulse. for a split second, he felt nothing. but among further searching for the vein, he felt the dull throbs of blood circulating through his body.

geoff grabbed his phone, dialing 9-1-1 with shaky hands. he hit the call button and his mind was a blur. 

-=-

otto burst through the door, out of breath. “i got your text, wha-“

he barely got his words out before seeing awsten and ran over. geoff wasn’t quite sure when he texted him, but in his panic he must have said something vaguely worrying enough to send otto sprinting down the street to awstens place.

otto held awstens head up off the floor, pleading with him to wake up and open his eyes. 

awsten didn’t wake, of course. he had not the slightest clue what his friends were doing, not the tiniest clue they were here trying to save him. to awsten, he was fighting against the crashing waves, floating maybe 5 feet above them. the cries of his friends were lost in the deafening waves. awsten begged to be dropped into the sea, to be washed away and let go. it never came, but a loud piercing noise broke through the waves. sirens? no, he’s at the sea, wasn’t he?

while awsten fought with the violent waves, geoff and otto moved back to make room for the medics. they were saying all sorts of things geoff and otto couldn’t sort through in their brains. ‘malnourished to a severe extent,’ ‘extremely underweight, skeleton like.’

as quick as they came, the paramedics left with awsten lying on a stretcher. he wasn’t sick, what could have happened? ottos mind spun. he had only awoken an hour ago but his best friend was already being loaded into an ambulance.

geoff grabbed ottos wrist to bring him back to reality, dragging him towards the ambulance to go with awsten. ottos feet couldn’t find the purpose to move. he trudged along behind geoff, in such shock his face had gone pale.

before they knew it, the ambulance was barreling down the street. loud sirens roared out to the neighborhood letting them all know, someone was, infact, dying.

geoff pleaded with the paramedics to know what had happened. he couldn’t remember anything about awsten sickness wise, he knew awsten was working out a lot and eating ‘healthier’, but it was all a lie.

all at once, awsten dropped underneath the waves.

-=-

geoff and otto had be sat next to awstens bed for so long, they started to believe he’d never wake up. their best friend, gone so quickly. 18 years on the planet and he was lying in a hospital, awaiting the possibility he may not wake up.

awsten’s parents were stood outside the door speaking to nurses. otto’s mind was spinning. how? why? when? a million questions he may never know the answer to, if his friend never opened his eyes. the moment the loud, single note sound rang out throughout the ambulance was the moment he lost his hope. geoff was begging for the paramedics to do something, but there were such limited options.

the image of awsten lying on the floor, pale and lifeless, hadn’t left geoffs mind the whole time. the small boy with bright hair that had become thin and frail was now fighting a race against death, trying to outsmart it at every corner.

-=-

awstens eyes ached from the painfully bright light. his eyes shot open, all at once. he looked around in fear, absolutely distraught. what were all these machines? what was the tube going into his stomach?

he let out a terrifying scream, clawing at the tube. NO NO NO! he threw his arms up and back down, trying to pry the tube out, but as quickly as his panic started it stopped. a needle sunk into his arm, a smooth calming effect sunk into the small boy as he closed his eyes once more.

-=-

the next time he woke up, it was less panic and fear and more anger. why was he here! why were they pumping evil fat into his body he had worked so hard to achieve! he felt the control slipping from his hands as he stared at the tube. 

otto was the first to notice his awakening and dashed over to the bed.  
“awsten! thank god your okay!” he lunged down to hug awsten but was not met by the same excitement.  
“WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE AM I? WHY ARE THERE FUCKING TUBES IN MY STOMACH?” awsten screamed out in anger. he wasn’t mad at otto per say, just mad at the situation, needing something to take it out on.

otto backed up a bit as geoff rose from his chair, walking beside awstens bed.

“awsten, the doctors didn’t tell us much. all they said was that you were extremely emancipated, to the point of death. you flatlined in the ambulance-“ geoff paused, taking a second to compose himself. “they described it as an eating disor-“

geoff was cut off by a loud yell, rising from awsten.  
“DONT CALL IT THAT!”

geoff too, backed away. he looked at the broken boy in the hospital bed. he should have seen the signs! he always wore giant sweaters and jeans much too big for him, refused meals and always checked the back of packages for calories before eating. how couldn’t he know?

meanwhile, all awsten wanted was to go back to the sea.

-=-

It was over half a year later, and awsten hadn’t seen the sea for awhile. geoff had never told awsten that he had been the one to find him; he was sure it would only add guilt. otto hadn’t fully recovered from the scene and the whole event, he only found comfort in the fact his friend was healing.

awsten felt awful. he had gotten angry at his friends in the hospital out of fear, and even six months later they were touchy around the subject. to cope, he’d climb to the roof of his house and think about the ocean. he’d do this every night until february 19th. 

awsten climbed down the roof to his porch, dropping a couple feet to the floor. he shook off the sting in his ankles as he climbed into the drivers seat of the car, turning on the engine and taking off.

he drove to the ocean, and as he waded into the chilly water, he saw the stars. he lifted his legs up and drifted across the water on his back, no waves at all.

all at once, he let himself sink back into the cold comfort of the water.

-=-


End file.
